I sat on the cold steel bleacher bench next
to my mommy and my little seven year-old body jumped up and down in anticipation.
I just couldn’t hold still. It had to be only thirty degrees outside, but I
couldn’t feel it; I was too excited. This was it. Jane, my hero, the big
sister I had never had, was about to walk out on stage and she was going to wow
the judges so much that they would give her the crown right on he spot. She had
done awesome so far in the competition; there was no way she could not win!
My mommy smiled down at me, chuckling a
little at my uncontrollable excitement. “Mommy, you think Jane’s going to win,
right? She’s going to win for sure!” My comment only made her smile grow
bigger.
“And now, contestant number six, Jane Smith!” I yelped and quickly turned my attention back to the stage. As I
watched, Jane stepped out onto the stage with a slightly nervous smile that
grew more confident and more gorgeous the longer she was on stage. But as her
smile grew, mine slowly but surely slipped off my face, until no trace of it
remained.
With
wide and confused eyes I turned to my mommy, “Mommy, why is she wearing that
dress?” My mommy hesitated to turn to me, but when she did she had no answer
for me. Jane looked absolutely beautiful, like I knew she would, but her
lovely, midnight blue evening gown, that seemed to sparkle and fit her
wonderfully, did not have sleeves. I was seven. I didn’t know much, but I knew
that Jane was one of the Laurels who had come to my Primary class and told all
of us all about the importance of modesty. I knew that I never seen her in
anything immodest before, and I knew that until that moment I had always wanted
to be just like her when I grew up.
The competition ended. Jane didn’t win.
Mommy was going to take me up to congratulate her, but it was getting colder by
the minute and I told her I wanted to go home.
The next day at church I saw her and she
smiled and held out her arms for me to jump into, just like usual. I knew I
should have beamed and run into her arms, but I just couldn’t. “Jane I saw you
in the competition last night.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. “Oh! I
didn’t know you came! Did you like it?”
I nodded, but then said, “Why did you
wear that dress? It was immodest.”
She stood there for a few moments in
alarm not knowing what to say. “Oh, uh, I guess, I didn’t know that you would
be there. I didn’t know that anyone would care.”
She looked at me with a sort of hopeless
expression.
Wham!
I’m knocked out of my memory and off of
the chair I was sitting on by two adorable sets of little arms. “Ouff!”
“Kira!!! Spin me! Spin me!”
“No Kiwwaa! Spin me!!!”
I sit up, smiling despite the slight bump
I have on my head now. I never should have
spun them the first time I came over here, but that first day I was so lost and
overwhelmed I would have tried anything. Now that’s all they wanted me to do
for the full three hours I spend with them every other week! “Okay fine, but
only a few more times!”
“Yay!” They both leap away to the more
spacious living room with their arms in the air and huge smiles on their faces.
I stay there sitting on the carpeted floor for just another few seconds
dreading the state I know I’ll be in in about fifteen minutes, but I get up
anyway knowing if I don’t get in there soon they’ll just come running back in
to tackle me again.
“I’m going first!” Katie says
running up to me.
“No Kaywwie you aaaalways go first!” Lena says with a pout on her face. I love that
little girl but she is always such a drama queen.
“Katie, how about we let Lena go
first this time. Ok?” Knowing Katie to be the more diplomatic one since she is
older by two years, I know she’ll have no problem with this.
“Okay.” She backs up to sit on the
couch and wait while Lena comes squealing towards me, practically jumping on me
with happiness. I firmly grab her tiny little forearms slowly begin to turn in
a circle. As I start to turn faster and faster Lena lets her little body hang
limp so that the centripetal force pulls against her until she is pretty much
parallel to the ground. Her little peals of laughter make me smile. I stop
after a few moments even though it feels like forever. If I want to keep this
up and not fall over puking from dizziness I am going to have to make each
girl’s “turn” rather short.
After three turns each I can barely
see straight. I flop on the hard wooden floor with a groan, but the little
angels will have none of that. “Kiwwa! Again! Again!” Lena yells as she jumps
on me and I pretend her light body knocks the wind out of me. Katie soon joins
her and I just lay there letting them “overpower” me.
I am saved by the sound of the garage
door opening though. Their heads whip up and they run screaming towards the
laundry room. I slowly get up and start to gather my things. I’m hopping on one
foot trying to get my shoes one when Kim walks into the room, one girl
clinging to each leg. “Hey! How’d it go?”
“It went great! They were perfect, like
usual.”
“And Willy?”
“He’s asleep in his crib, surprisingly
enough. How was the Ward Adult Date Night?”
She shakes her head a little and smiles
even more. “Oh, you know. Those little old ladies are so cute.” I chuckle
knowing exactly how cute the eccentric old ladies that go to my church are.
“Did you eat all of my food, Standring?”
a deeper voice calls out.
I grin as Jared joins his wife in the
hall. “Almost, but I left just a little bit, just for you.”
He grins as well and bumps my shoulder as
he continues on to the kitchen. Kim just laughs.
“So, I’ll just get your money and let you
drive home then! I know you probably have a ton of homework.”
I laugh. “Yeah, well for once I’m
not half as stressed about my calculus homework as I am about tomorrow.”
She gasps. “Oh, that’s right! Your
Junior Miss competition is tomorrow isn’t it?”
I nod. For the past few months I,
and a few of my other fellow high school juniors, had been practicing night and
day for this big day. It was a scholarship competition where judges from out of
the area were going to judge us on talent, fitness, intellect, self-expression,
and an individual interview. Both the winner of every section and the girls who
did best in all the areas combined would be awarded scholarship money for
college. I entered the competition just for fun, but now that it was just
tomorrow, I was freaking out!
“Well then, you better get home!
You’re going to have a long day!”
“Yeah. We get picked up a 8:00 AM
tomorrow and spend the whole day getting ready”
Kim sighs and smiles like the
adorable sweet lady she is. “Well, I know you’ll do great.”
“Thanks. I hope so.”
******************************************************************************
The next day passes in a blur and
before I know it, it’s the last portion of the competition. So far, my freaking
out has been totally justified. I accidentally ran off stage too early in the
Fitness portion, my mic hadn’t worked properly for my talent, and while my
interview hadn’t been a total disaster, my usual confidence when speaking to a
large group had mysteriously disappeared. I take a deep breath and a moment to
gather my senses before grabbing my floor length dress to change for the
Self-Expression portion.
I really like my dress. It’s blue with a
poufy ball gown type of skirt and it has silver sequins literally everywhere. It is a completely
shoulderless dress, but it came with a simple matching little jacket that my
mom spruced up with even more
sequins. The first time I wore it all the girls said I looked like Cinderella.
I had laughed at them, half because that was silly considering my very dark
brown hair, and half because I had always wished I were a princess when I was
little.
After running to the bathroom and
throwing on the dress I realize I have left the jacket out in the gym we are
using as “backstage.” I walk out and over to my table to search for it and just
when I’ve found it I feel a cold hand on my shoulder.
“Wow! Kira you look beautiful!” I smile
at Eve, a girl that is really hard
to get along with, but I have always been nice to.
“Thanks.” I reply simply.
“No, but Kira really. You look so good with your dress just how it is
right now. You should just not wear the jacket.” A few of the other girls
around agree with her, telling me how beautiful I look and that the jacket just
detracts from the dress.
I turn and look in the mirror. They are
right. I have never really considered myself a pretty person, but seeing myself,
right now in this beautiful sleeveless dress, I look stunning. I smile and am
about to drop the jacket back on the table and agree with them, when my gaze
travels from the bottom of my dress up, and settle on my eyes. Only a few
milliseconds pass, but it feels like a million years as I stare at my reflection
and her eyes challenge me saying, Really?
My grip on my jacket tightens just as it is about to fall from my fingers.
“Thanks guys. But I’m still gonna wear
it.”
They all grin as though they understand,
when really they think I’m crazy and drift back over to their own tables. I
take a deep breath and put on the jacket. When I turn around and look up I see
my best friend Gabby looking at me. She smiles a real smile. She may not hold
the same standards of modesty as I do, but she understands and supports me. We
all line up and head out for the last portion of the competition.
I don’t win, although I do get Third
Runner-up, which means I get $300, and Gabby gets First Runner-up. It doesn’t
matter, the whole process has been so much fun. Everyone’s families are on the
stage congratulating their daughters. I glance over my shoulder and see Eve sulking in the back. I know it’s horrible of me, but I smirk just a little. She
was so certain she was going to win everything and was rather rude about
broadcasting her opinion.
“Kiwwa!”
My head whips back around and I see Kim right there in front of me hold the hands of both of her little daughters. They
break away from their mom and rush over to come hug me. I smile and hug them
back.
“I didn’t know you guys were coming!”
Kim smiles back at me. “Well, the girls
wanted to come see you. You did great by the way! And Kira,” she leans in
closer and her voice lowers just a bit, “Thank you. Thank you so much, for being modest.” Both of our gazes glance over
to a girl across the stage for a moment. She is also a member of our church,
but her beautiful evening gown does not have any sleeves.
I look back down at the darling girls in
front of me. I look at little six-year old Katie and for a second I see a
little seven-year old girl with dark brown hair looking back at me instead.
Instead of seeing a big smile and bright eyes, I see a confused expression and
hurt eyes. I look back up as Kim hugs me and as I burrow my head into her
shoulder, my eyes fill with grateful tears.
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