All growing up I always had a list in my mind of where all six of my brothers stacked up on the favorite scale. I never told them, but all my friends always knew. My brothers never knew, but every little thing they did either raised them up the list, if they did something to make me happy, or dropped them (usually like three places) on the list, if they did something that made me sad or worse, mad.
I was a tender four years old when I first developed my list. My oldest brother Jamie was in his senior year of high school and he was my hero. He always knew what to do, he always protected me, and I just always felt so safe with him. I remember the day he graduated I balled my eyes out because I knew what came after high school, college. And college meant Jamie was going to leave me and go some place far away. (At the time I didn't know how far away BYU was, but I knew I had to ride in our big passenger van ALL day long to get there when we went to Utah for Christmas.) I literally thought the moment after he graduated he would be off. I would not be consoled and I would not let go of Jamie. Then he picked me up and said, "You know Kira, I'm not leaving right now. I don't have to leave for a few months." I couldn't believe it! I still got to spend forever (at least that was what it seemed like to me) with my favorite brother! For some reason I can't quite remember what happened when he actually left for college. It must have been so devastating that I entirely blocked it out. For the longest time though, Jamie was just the best in my mind. I even waited four months after my eighth birthday to get baptized so he could do it after he got back from his church mission in Texas.
However, as the saying goes, "the higher you rise the further you have to fall" right? Well, let me tell you, Jamie fell. The family was having Family Home Evening one Monday night when Jamie was home from college and I sat right next to him, of course. He had this jar of mixed nuts on the other side of him and I reeeeeeally wanted them. Like any normal brother, he didn't let me have them. I tried reaching around him with my little eight year old arms, but astonishingly I couldn't reach them! I was quite put out! Well, that night Jamie had to lead the music so I had the PERFECT plan. When he stood up to conduct, I would lean over and snatch them away! I couldn't do it while I was singing the song though cause nobody wants to sings and eat at the same time right? So just as the song was ending I leaned over to get them and Jamie saw me getting at them AND SAT DOWN RIGHT ON MY HEAD!!! I was so appalled! At the time I was certain that I was going to suffocate and die! So when he finally got off me I sat up and all I could do was glare at him. He soooooooo wasn't my favorite brother anymore. And who better to replace him than my second to oldest brother, Jason.
Jason was the perfect child. He was the one all parents dream of raising and he was most definitely our parents' favorite. (You can try and deny it Mom and Dad, but we all know the truth!) He was pretty much the opposite of Jamie. He was kind, gentle, and would never sit on my head. When my dad left him in charge he could usually never get us to do anything because he would like never get mad. When all the other boys and me would be playing a video game and we'd use cheats he's just be like, "But you can't cheat! Cheating's wrong!" You get the picture? Perfect child. Golden boy. And my new favorite brother.
So he stayed my favorite brother for quite a long time. Even while he was on his church mission in Portugal for two years he was my favorite. BUT! Then he came home and got married. Not that this wasn't the most wonderful thing in the world, because it was. And not that I didn't like her, because I love her. But after he got married Jason just didn't really have time for me. (I found out in later years that all my sisters-in-law tend to get more attention than I do from their spouses.......which I know is how it's supposed to be, but it still stung a bit.) So since I wasn't the number one girl in his life anymore he dropped on the favoritism list as well. After Jason, my favorite brother award passed a few brothers and went to my brother Mark.
Mark is the brother directly above me in the sibling line-up and Mark, I would have to say, is the most loving and passionate, although admittedly crazy and sometimes very dumb, of all my brothers. My dad would always say, "Mark is the dumbest smart person I have ever met." Not that he tried to be dumb or that he wasn't genius, because he was. He just made the stupidest mistakes and decisions sometimes. But he was just so lovable while doing it. I've heard people refer to him as the cute little black lab, always smiling and always wagging his tail back and forth. Mark was the brother who always showed me the most affection and who always wanted my opinion, and I loved him so much for that. But then Mark went on his mission and I was left at home with only my little demon brother, Daniel.
Growing up, Daniel was the typical youngest child. He was spoiled, bratty, lazy, annoying, and he could get my mom to do anything he asked. In all honesty, I developed my list and kept it going just to hurt Daniel. Daniel was the only brother I ever told about my list but, ashamed as I am about it now, I only told him so he would know he was on the very bottom of that list every time. (But in all fairness he did tell me that his favorite sister was our dog, Nikita.)
So Daniel was just as annoying as he had ever been, until the day that Mark left home and it was just the two of us. I don't know what happened, I felt the same, but Daniel started acting like a normal brother. He wanted to hang out with me, he wanted me to hang out with him. He wanted my opinion, and my help with girls, math, and all kinds of other things. Knowing I should be a good sister, no matter what happened in the past, I would help him out, let him hang out me and and vice versa. Gradually, especially through our two shared years of high school, I came to not think of Daniel as my little brother that I couldn't stand, instead I began to really love and appreciate him.
I countlessly thought back on the words my dad had said to me about Daniel, "Because Daniel is the closest to you in age, you'll either become inseparably close, or you'll hate each other's guts." At the time he said that, I was sure it was the later. But in my senior year of high school I had a change of heart. Maybe I would become really close with Daniel. Maybe I already had. Mark was still on his mission though, so I couldn't be sure I actually liked Daniel better than him. In addition to that dilemma, after going to college I got to spend a lot of time with all my other brothers, especially the ones that I had always really liked but were never really my favorites before. Now I wasn't really sure if I actually had a favorite.
Well, Mark comes back from his mission in five weeks, I don't see Daniel too often because he's all the way back home while I'm in Utah, and I've been too busy recently to spend much time with my brothers here. So for now the jury's still out. I definitely love them all and I can't really tell who's in what position on my "favorite list." But I think I might just drop the list. Like I said, I started it to make one of my brothers feel bad and that was never a good reason, plus I love that little guy to bits now. But one thing this list did make me realize, is how important my brothers are to me, and I'm sure that will never change.
No comments:
Post a Comment